There’s no denying that part-time jobs are stressful. Even if they do only demand part of your time, they still require your full attention. You would think that, in the wondrous world of Mario Party, you can escape this type of labor. But no. Some work that the Mushroom Kingdom population considers menial labor has been cunningly disguised as minigames. Why else would you get paid ten coins for a stressful shift while Boo gets paid fifty to steal a star?
As if it wasn’t hard enough that you’re trying to become the Superstar in fifteen turns, now you have to work your tail off too. You can’t fool us Mario Party, we know that these minigames are actually part-time jobs.
10/10 Sizzling Stakes
When Sizzling Stakes was first showcased, we were amazed by how mouthwatering the food looked and how the steak cube went from a bright pink to a deliciously cooked brown, like an actual piece of meat. We were so distracted by the fry pan flipping motion controls, cooking aesthetic, and the photographic final meal that we completely missed what this minigame truly was: a part-time job as a chef.
Think about it, you’re making that meal for a patron of this establishment – no way would you nicely plate up the steak and put it on a trolley if this was your own home – you work it for a single minigame shift, and if you fail, your paycheck is withheld. Sounds like a job to us.
9/10 Cake Factory
It’s pretty easy to see why Cake Factory is a part-time job, as it resembles the mass production and need for efficiency that a large scale food company would demand of its employees. For this minigame, you and your partner’s main objective is to assemble strawberry cakes. One person is in charge of placing the berry, the other is in charge of the cake. This would be a simple task if both items weren’t rushing past you on a speedy conveyor belt.
We can guarantee that by the end of this minigame, you won’t be walking away with any of the delicious cakes you decorated. Nope, instead you will collect your measly pay and be asked to complete more orders next time.
8/10 Order Up
The food service industry in the Mushroom Kingdom must be severely lacking if they keep hiring the Mario Party crew. In Order Up, you have to correctly put together a combo meal that Toad wants. And no, Toad can’t turn around and place his order at the cashier. He wants you and your partner, the part-timers of this establishment, to put together his specific requests.
Not only that, but all the food items have been hidden under identical take-out containers that no one thought to properly label. Can Toad at least give us a tip if we successfully complete this minigame with no mistakes?
7/10 Sugar Rush
Different party, same unexplainable need to employ us for cake decorating. Luckily, there are no conveyor belts in Sugar Rush. Instead, you have to copy the design on the display cake. Sounds easy and calming right?
Well, it would be if it wasn’t also a competition. Here, you have to decorate your cake faster than your opponents do. For this part-time job you need speed, precision, and teamwork. Only that will prove your worth to the cake decorating community and allow you to walk away with the cash prize.
Remember when you used to mow your neighbor’s lawn for a few bucks and maybe a cup of lemonade? Well here, you can do it for the price of half a star. But only if you win. And the way you win in Mowtown is to mow the most grass.
Yup, prove to your employer that you did all the work and that mowing their lawn wasn’t a team effort, and you’ll be rewarded with ten, shiny coins. So, start those engines and have fun driving the world's slowest lawn mower.
5/10 Logger Heads
Ah, chopping wood for the campsite or for a toasty fireplace. Another job where your payment wasn’t worth the hours of sweaty movement, blisters, and concentrating on the trajectory of your very sharp axe. Alas, this minigame is another part-time job in disguise. Logger Heads is where you must chop wood for the Whittles. Whoever successfully chops three logs the fastest wins.
Did we mention that this profession also comes with an explosive warning? That’s right, sometimes a Bob-omb will end up on the chopping block, and you sure don’t want to hit that.
4/10 Dust 'Til Dawn
If this minigame wasn’t a three versus one race to completion, you may very well be dusting this house till dawn. Dust ‘till Dawn is, of all things, a dusting minigame where you have to free the furniture from thick layers of dust. If you are part of the trio team this will mean cleaning a large living and dining room area. If you are alone, you will have a smaller bedroom to dust all by yourself.
Dusting is already a tedious task if not done once a week, and someone certainly let several weeks’ worth of dust build up. If you aren’t grossed out yet, you should know that this gig doesn’t pay well either. Ten coins as thanks for inhaling all those dirty particles.
3/10 Dust Buddies
Seriously, who keeps leaving all these rooms so dusty? And why is it that employers assumed partygoers would be the ideal clean-up staff? Dust Buddies is another three versus one dusting minigame but, instead of using feather dusters, both teams are using vacuums. On top of that, now the entire floor is covered with gray dust bunnies.
The main objective here is to collect the most dust, with the solo player getting a single-headed vacuum with stronger suction and more moveability while the trio team gets a shared, three-headed vacuum with less suction and moveability. Hey, weren't you supposed to be collecting stars, not dust? How many times are you going to be asked to tidy up in this franchise?
2/10 Clean Team
We spoke too soon. As if this minigame’s title wasn’t already a dead giveaway, Clean Team involves cleaning, again. Windows specifically. In this two versus two minigame both teammates, one equipped with a spray bottle, the other a rag, must clean and wipe away the dirt that has caked several poor Goombas’ windows.
Somehow, the Mario partyers were saddled with this part-time job with no prior instructions besides climb the buildings, avoid the immovable buckets, and clean the windows. Management could’ve at least told them not to run while on a slippery catwalk. Let's hope that there are no more part-time cleaning minigames left…
1/10 Bus Buffer
Speak of the devil, there’s one more. This final part-time cleaning job is Bus Buffer, where you have to clear up the messes of another employee. Literally. Oh, you wanted that Shy Guy who knocked over the bucket of paint to help you mop up the mess they made? Well too bad, apparently they have more important work to do. Which leaves you and your partner with the slow, tedious task of buffering the bus roof till it shines.
Even though it would go against part-time rules (I mean, party rules), can’t the other Shy Guys at least pass us some soap? Is that too much to ask for?
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